No such thing as five stages of grief
Just because we learn how to live our day better does not mean we accept it.
No offense to Kübler-Ross, but I think the five stages of grief are inaccurate. Though she made a disclaimer that it may not happen in order or some may skip a phase, when we are talking about stages, all must be experienced, respectively.
And that is when I disagree with her.
This year, I experienced losses. The latest was horrible and tragic, to say the least. At first, I felt numb (the denial stage). I was processing what had just happened. Lost in my own thoughts. I did not know how to react to such a situation. A week later, I was angry with the people involved (the anger stage). Changing my outlook in life, tearing all the dreams I have planned since junior high. Created a completely new life. Not long after that, I bargained with the situation (the bargaining stage). Ruminating on the past, blaming I should have fought harder. I should not have made such a rush judgment. I should have convinced everyone of what my heart desires. Subsequently, when it was not working, I got depressed (the depression stage). A month passed by with me in tears every day. I slept a little longer than usual. I had no appetite nor motivation to do the exciting and remarkable things I had always been doing. I got my period twice a month.
Oh, I hope you are not waiting for me to tell you about the last stage because certainly I’m not there, but I was almost there. I almost accepted the situation. Distracted my mind. But, failed. That is why I disagree with the five stages of grief because I think no one has ever entirely accepted a situation that is not in their favor.
Now, I’m in a stage where life has to go on, whether I accept the situation or not. Now, I’m in a situation where, ok, I still have to be responsible for my life and my future. So, I better get my things all together, whether I accept the situation or not.
But this is not the case for everyone, I suppose. Everyone has a different pace and stages. That is why agreeing to a certain framework is unhealthy. It’s tailoring our mind that we need to do A-B-C-D-E to get to Z. While, in fact, life is not that simple. How our minds and hearts work are unpredictable, most of the time.
Some get through something easier than others because some have better self-control. A quality I always try to possess but am still far behind in mastering. Controlling ourselves not to get swayed by our emotions is the most challenging thing, but we must continuously try. Thus, though we do not accept the status quo, we can, at least, still be functional and responsible. We, at least, do not harm others with how we feel just because we can’t help but say to their face how they touch our deepest sentiments. We, at least, still stick with our little self’s drives and ambitions.
So, for little Ghina (and for little everyone who reads this), keep going, though your heart is shattered and your whole world is falling apart because that little self looks up to your current self. Make sure to make them proud! xx
