I won’t cut my hair until I’m ready to fall in love

And, I feel like it is not anytime soon

On October 2022, a month after we parted ways, I swore to myself I wouldn’t cut my hair until I was ready to open my heart, to let someone new in, to fully recovered from the most tragic event in my life, to be emotionally available and to move on from the person whose presence I value the most.

People might find it strange. Some even say it does not make any sense. What’s the correlation between hair and accepting the fact that someone is not in your life anymore, cheering your day, supporting your dreams, appreciating your achievements, and loving you tenderly?

Everything, everything about it, is connected.

He used to touch it, my hair, playing it like his favorite sport. He used to kiss it, smelling it like my hair was his favorite perfume. He used to compliment it, gazing at it like my hair was his favorite scenery.

My hair is a part of us, it witnessed our journey, from getting to know each other, awkwardly eating sushi for the first time together, happily dancing and kissing the night, strolling around the city, watching the skyscrapers decorating our surroundings, visiting fun and new places, and celebrating each other’s born day to realizing the fact we cannot be together, albeit how fall we are for each other.

So, cutting my hair will mean I’m shattering what’s left of us, if there is at least a fragment of it. And I don’t have the strength to do it because our story, is already on the last page of a book, the final miles of a marathon, and the ending scene of a movie.

So, I’m letting it grow as my love for you is constantly still evolving, as odd as it sounds, especially since we haven’t seen or talked with each other. But, a silver lining from this, something I just learned, is that we are capable of loving someone from afar because when we truly and unconditionally love someone, we let them be, we let them go, and we set them loose. Because whether or not they are still a part of our day or still care about us is irrelevant, as loving them in itself is already enough.

However, on a less sorrowful and more optimistic note, I sincerely hope I can cut my hair soon in the nearest future possible because it has been way too long, isn’t it? But, I feel like it’s not anytime soon.