Life is all about transitions, the good and the bad
Don’t worry, you got this. There’s always something that can be managed.
One thing that terrifies and excites me at the same time is transition.
Late 2022 and early 2023 are all about transition for me. From graduating, working in a professional environment, and having solid responsibility, to fully letting go of the person I treasure the most in the entire universe.
Transition is supposed to be good, right? Meaning that you experience life and you move forward, unfolding another chapter that will teach you valuable lessons. But it does not mean that all transitions are enjoyable. Some are horrifyingly terrible. The constant anxiety of not knowing what the future holds, yet gotta pulling myself together in order to be fully functional and prepared for whatever comes next. The continuous doubts hinder me from dreaming a little bit bigger because if we never try, we never know how far we are able to go, right? The endless thoughts that I will never be ridiculously fulfilled and enough if I’m not with that one person.
But if we analyze it a little bit more critically, it’s all in our heads; it’s our own self that is so comfortable with the present that stops us from being the exceptional individual we aspire to be and feeling the wholesomeness we certainly deserve.
Transitioning in a professional context
When it comes to professional life, I can be very logical, and all the pressures are not difficult to manage.
Every time I enter a new phase of life; starting high school, university, and now professional life, I love to outline my goals, strategy, and timeline, then eventually continually pressure my own self to achieve them all. I need to know I’m fully in control and conscious of my life for the next couple of years. If you wonder how, I always ask myself, what do I want to achieve and feel when such time elapses? What do I want to see when I look back 3 years from now? And I sketch the answers to my queries into a well-crafted and devised plan.
At the moment, I am transitioning from being a law graduate to working in a professional legal environment. Such transition is like riding a bike, though I might fall several times at first, I’m up for the challenge and driven to learn more.
Nevertheless, this one feels different from preparing for high school and university as there is no definite plan to make, I can decorate it however I want it. Everything is in my hands now. And that is the terrifying yet exciting part.
Transitioning in a personal context
The hardest part that I’m currently dealing with; transitioning my heart. Have you ever felt so wrong to look at another human being even though you can as you’re not in any commitment? Have you ever felt like all your veins are united into one, making a spider net, preventing you from opening your heart to anyone? Have you ever felt like your blood stops flowing and your mind stops working for a few minutes, as there is no exact explanation for why you feel what you feel, and everything just does not make sense? Have you ever felt like that one person is everywhere, from the quietest place to the loudest one?
How come I am down to this level of excruciating pain from that state of tremendous joy?
Then, the question pops out, is it temporary or permanent? Will I ever tear down the walls I have built inside as a shield to protect myself from anyone near me?
Even my mother worries. She told me that what our hearts feel, especially love, is just an illusion that we make in our minds. And she said that no one knows what love is. Hence, I should not have overthought it and gotten over it. And I answered, bluntly and effortlessly, I didn’t know what love was till I met Him. As weirdly unexpected, she was both surprised and happy to look at her daughter and see that I experienced love, pure and irrevocably. Nevertheless, the question of the extent to which I will feel the aforementioned is still unclear.
At the end of the day, I guess life is fair; one transition is figured out, yet one remains a big question mark that I’m uncertain how to answer. But, as some have been discovered, I’m going to focus on what I can handle, and you all should too, as perhaps we are one decision and step away from the point we are dying to reach.
I think everyone is going through the same thing, but which transition they are not sure about is undoubtedly different from one to another. Therefore, when we see someone victorious or elated, particularly on the internet, we should never assume that their life is perfect and we are the unlucky ones because everyone has their own fighting battles. And, thus, don’t forget to be kind, always! We never know who we can help just by being genuinely benign as everyone is also transitioning from one stage to another stage of life they deeply desire to encounter.
